Updated: Aug 23, 2018
Nowadays in all the field people are busy convincing people for their own benefit. Be it sales, home, office, friends, anywhere what people are just trying to convince others.
So there’s one technique to convince others. Why does a person do something?
Because they feel like doing it and not because you asked them to. So when does a person feel like they want to do a particular thing? When they realize that this is the good thing to do and they should do this. So how can you make a person REALIZE that they should do your work?
The quickest way is to ASK QUESTIONS, asking them right and meaningful questions. Whenever we ask someone a question we show them another aspect of that question. When we ask question people tend to think about it the way we want them to, exactly this needs to be done, we have to transport them into a different world, and you have to make them think of those aspects which they have not thought before. When a person is been transported into that another world and they see some new things so they become excited, this is REALIZATION.
For example, I wanted to take my wife to Trekking so she said No yaar I don’t want to go, you’ll wake me up at 6 on Sunday morning and I need to spend some time with my kid he’s just 6 months old and I don’t want to leave him and go. So I used this technique and need to take her into a new world, so i asked one question: I know, you want to relax on Sunday and spend time with Rudra but aren’t we always doing the same thing on every Sunday? Don’t you want Rudra should be happy even without you and he should spend some time with their grandparents?
So she said Yes but? And this time you have to stop them because there are a lot of chances that after this BUT they can say still I don’t feel like doing it.
So, STOP THEM.
How can you do so? Before she says this thing ask them TRUST ME, it’s going to be amazing, you and me in this beautiful weather and I know you like drizzling, right don’t you like drizzling? Mornings are the most beautiful and amazing thing which I have experienced in my life and I want to share that with you, what say?
So, she said ok let’s give it a try!
So what did I talk about? I talked about the kid, he being happy with his grandparent, about drizzling and all these questions which took her to the other world and showed another aspect of that same situation. Transported her into the other world which was never her perspective and because of these questions I asked her she’s been able to look at this side of this situation and realized that yes trekking is not that bad. All this time I never forced her but instead tried to convince her with this technique, you don’t command them to do and they take a decision.
And once she takes a call and what happened the next morning, who wakes up first? It’s not me, it’s her.
So this is a tried and tested technique, usually we do ask questions but our questions are like: WHY? These why questions are very dangerous according to NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) because these questions take people to a shell and act very defensive. So, the positive words are HOW, WHAT, etc you need to open up people with the help of these questions.
So you need to reframe questions, for ex: If your employee gets late and you ask: Why did you get late? So we can reframe it like: How did you get late?
Answer will come in both the questions but the openness increases. Another ex: you ask a person: Why don’t you do that? But ask: How does it happen that you’re not able to do that? Or what stops you do that?
So use these types of questions as people will be more open towards you and receptive. And you’ll be able to convince people very easily.
So this was a personal scenario, now you want to convince your colleague in office to help you in a project. But that person has not been allotted this particular project. So you ask him Please help but it’s a Sunday and he wants to go to a movie or dinner instead. So what is the first step?
Ask him a question which takes him to a different world. And a question which starts with I Know!
For ex. Ankit is your colleague name so you say: I know Ankit, you want to enjoy your Sunday and want to go to a movie and have butter chicken. Even I would have joined you for that but I have this deadline to meet and I need your help and don’t you think we always do this same thing on every Sunday and ask: Don’t you want to make a stronger position in the company? So, he will say: Ya why not? So to make a stronger position in a company, our company is giving us more responsible work with deadline which I have got. We can do it together and if we prove ourselves by doing this on time don’t you think we’ll get promotions or increments. To that he could say that: Ya, maybe! But yaar Sanju will come off from the theatres. So again another question: Bhai it’s a superhit movie and it will be on theatres for atleast more than a week. So he says: Yes, you’re right! But!
Now again you need to interrupt and don’t let him speak and say: See right now its 2 p.m. and before 8 we can finish this work if you’ll help me and then we both will go and have butter chicken together. Right? And then you can also add on that the project we’ll be making, our Super Boss Saxena will also see and your name can also come if you want so you choose now SANJU or SAXENA?
So he’ll finally say Okay fine open the laptop and start working.
So this is the way you bring humor or a casual approach to something and ask meaningful questions. And now let’s dissect these two examples, first of all you need to be completely convinced yourself that the person will be convinced, be confident that the person will be convinced, don’t be arrogant or overconfident. And the main focus should be on your listening should be with full heart and ask appropriate questions, listen to their answer and then again ask question and your answers should also have a looped in question. And these questions needs to be meaningful and interesting, your flow of speech should be very clear, you need to transport them into a new world i.e. other aspect of the same situation. So you can use some phrases like: I know! And say something which is going on their mind already. Read their thoughts and repeat. Next, don’t you want? And say what’s morally right. Aren’t you always? And say which you don’t want them to do. And in Conclusion always ask: What say? Do you want to it?
Now you know that you have directed them to do that but they’ll think they wanted to do this on their own. That’s the beauty of negotiation and convincing. And we can end this with an analogy: “Kagaz ki kashti chalti apne aap hai usko dhakka nai marte hai hum usko sirf halka halka rasta dikhate hai” and you can also completely change the direction of that boat wherever you want to similarly you can also change one’s perspective however we want to with the help of this technique.